Hey, guess what? Looks like there's an actual theater room in here. Cool!
No, those aren't watering cans shooting confetti all over the floor! Those are, in fact, old-timey movie cameras surrounded by ribbons and...well, something that looks suspiciously like confetti. This, kids, is Grade A Cosmic Bowling carpet. I am genuinely astounded that anyone BUT me would ever, ever choose to have this crap in their home.
Just look at it! It is marvelous. I think that carpet may win the whole house. It's like the 90s ate a metric ton of Now and Laters, washed them down with a fistful of nerds and a Big Gulp of Surge, played Skip It for twenty minutes and then honked all over the floor. Beautiful!
"Hey, you know what we should put in this gigantic, cavernous room? A
bed set from 1987, complete with 80's mismatched pillowcases and some
stuffed animals we won found at Adventureland. Also a crappy painting, and an empty dresser, and then
nothing else. Rad!"
The giant thing over the bed stays. I don't care about the Steelers, or sports in general, but HOO, BOY, is that lovely. Is it like a football dream catcher, there to stop bad dreams about your team performing poorly? What the hell. Also note that the snowmen on the wreath on the right are wearing Steelers gear. I don't even know what to say about that.
Speaking of dream catchers, look what I found in the other fake bar!
Why? I ask you, why? Why does the sink need a dream catcher? Does it keep clogged drains away?
And to the left, we have what I believe to be a new variety of saddlery-as-seating. I swear to Richard Simmons, this house is the gift that keeps on giving.
This room is clearly huge. I could have cropped it more, but then you'd be missing out on the sheer ginormity of it. So, in the back, we have a pool table, more crappy wall art, and a couple of neon signs. That, right there, is apparently know as "The Nasty Boys Theater."*
Now, in part one, I pointed out two built in glass display cases and said I was going to fill them with vintage My Little Ponies. I retract those statements. What I am going to do instead is remodel this area, as quickly as I can, into a small My Little Pony show room. And I will even have a big table in the middle, and I will buy the My Little Pony show stable, and the My Little Pony carrying case, and I will buy easter grass for hay and my friend Melissa will come over and we will build a fort and do their hair.
I guess I'd better put a wine fridge in there, too.
...and I'm not changing the name.
lol! lol!
That's about all there is to see inside...
Friends, there is but one word for this deck. It begins with a B, and it ends with itchin'. Don't worry, we're fixin' to upgrade the furniture! We'll rustle up some durn comfy seating fer y'all before the housewarming barbeque! (Hint: Saddles)
Ugh, who needs it, right? Barf. So awful. You can just barely see the corner of an outbuilding in the upper right hand corner-- that's my batcave. SHHHH
Well, I think that wraps it up. The verdict: We'll take it, as long as they leave their stupidest crap behind.
* EDIT: It has occured to me in the cold light of day that that sign is right next to a door--which probably leads to the theater room. I don't care. I'm still calling the pony room Nasty Boys Theater.
* EDIT: It has occured to me in the cold light of day that that sign is right next to a door--which probably leads to the theater room. I don't care. I'm still calling the pony room Nasty Boys Theater.
I love you, you are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI was hoping you had begun to think of places for the cock and kittens! Perhaps they can replace the wolf!
ReplyDeleteOh, the cats go in the bathroom, of course! I think they should hang in the most-used communal bathroom, and then I'll have to commission Meagan to do a HUGE mural of them in the master bath. Me-yow!
DeleteHere is the artist who did the wonderful scultures in that house.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.moberggallery.com/tommoberg_residential_portfolio.shtml
I'm not sure how to make that a link, so I guess you'll have to copy and paste.