Diamond Shoes

Okay, first of all, what in the ever loving hell?! 

 Yes, kids, that's a chicken rooster topiary centerpiece for your table. Or something. But wait! There's more!

Do you see that? Do you?

 

Who in the name of Richard Simmons' sweaty, sweaty thighs has money for shit like this?! Jesus Christ. That's just depressing. But, hey! On the bright side, maybe my bitter, salty tears will help flavor some of the gruel I'm eating.

A Day in the Life of a Thanksgiving Turkey

We're having thanksgiving at my house, so my mom dropped the turkey off a couple of days ago to thaw in my fridge. Yesterday we were on the phone and she asked me, "How's the turkey doing?" SO I took some photos to show her.

Turkey Lurkey was getting a little bored, so I gave him a magazine.

Then he had some friends over.

Turkey Lurkey has a lot of friends.

 

 

He worked on a crossword puzzle.

 

 

Did a little knitting.

Read another magazine.

 

 

Played some Candy Crush.

Ate some lunch.

Tried to take a nap, but couldn't fall asleep.

Grew a moustache

Cleaned up a little

Almost shaved, but decided against it

Enjoyed a cigar

There you go, mom. He's been busy. I think he's doing okay.

Rhapsody in violet

Hi! I'm still alive. I received some shocking news today.

Grimace is selling his house.

I know, I know. He spent so much time on that thing. Built it himself.

It took months to have that carpet custom made.

 

He was so proud of that bathroom, you guys.

It won't be on the market long once Barney and the Peculiar Purple Pieman hear about it, though, so if you're interested, time is of the essence.